Thursday, January 29, 2009

End of the World

"Life is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours."

Every few years or decades, some A-hole comes up with a new theory about THE END OF THE WORLD.
There are books, magazines, internet articles with a Zillion (yup, I said Zillion) statements swearing that the world is going to end on a specific time. How the hell do they know this???
First it was the year 2000, where the planets were going to align and cause some type of catastrophe. Then it was the asteroids that were going to have an effect of atomic bombs. Then it was the aliens who were going to finally come down from another galaxy and make us sex slaves. Want more??? Because I’m going to list as many as I can. Then there was Nostradamus who predicted that a giant dildo would make women infertile… Ok, I went too far.

Here are a few of the latest theories:

Mayan Calendar: The Mayas predicted the end of the world to be on December 21, 2012. They were good with numbers and astronomy, BUT if they could predict the future… would they have died out as a civilization??? don’t you think they would have seen that one coming???

The Atom Smasher: Europeans have been building a Particle Accelerator. This thing is like a giant bomb, if it goes wrong, and is supposed to be tried on the year 2012 (how original). This one does scare the living piss out of me, because we know how messed up our experiments can go. I'm glad ex-president Bush didn't get his hands on that thing.

The Bible: Interpretations of the Christian Bible reveal that the date for Armageddon, the final battle between Good an Evil, has been set down for 2012. YUP here is the Bible again. God is just waiting for the year 2012 to start kicking ass; until then, Satan is just working out and pumping Iron at the gym.

Super Volcano: Yellowstone National Park in the US has a big volcano that supposedly explodes every 650,000 years. The pressure under the Yellowstone is building steadily, and geologists have set 2012 as a likely date for the big bang. Yeah, that’s gonna happen. Australians, beware of the volcano in the US, cuz its coming to get you.

The Physicists: Physicists at Berekely University have been crunching the numbers. and they've determined that the Earth is well overdue for a major catastrophic event. While also saying their prediction comes with a certainty of 99 percent- and 2012 just happens to be the best guess as to when it occurs. This proves that even PHYSICISTS smoke a lot of weed. They should film them while they’re coming up with these theories… I bet they’re smoking something.

Like I said before, these are just SOME of the many theories. I bet after the year 2012, we will be hearing of new dates. I guess there’s always going to be someone with a lot of time in their hands, and willing to scare the crap out of the rest. Do I believe any of it??? HELL NAH!!! But if I had to pick one theory, I’m gonna go with the theory of Nostradamus and the giant dildo… it just makes more sense in my head. Hahaha.



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