Thursday, January 22, 2009

Diary of a Miami Guy

"You dont know what you have...until you lose it."

I know it is cold everywhere right now... so here are little pieces of a diary. Miami is always hot (with a few exceptions) but what kills Miami is the never ending traffic, the hurricanes, etc. I hope you all enjoy this... Its a little long, but its worth the read.

August 12 ------ Today I moved into my new home in Pennsylvania. How peaceful! Everything is so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. I cannot wait until I see them covered in snow. I'm happy to have left behind the heat, the humidity, the traffic, the hurricanes and the Cubans in Miami. THIS is the life!

October 14 ----- Pennsylvania is the most beautiful place I've seen in my life. The leaves have changed through all the shades of red and orange. How wonderful to have all four seasons again. I went for a walk in the woods, and for the first time I saw a deer. They are so agile, so elegant. They are the most beautiful animals I've seen in my life. This is paradise. I hope it will snow soon. THIS IS the life!

November 11 ---- Soon it will be deer hunting season. I cannot imagine anyone who would want to kill one of these creatures. Winter is here. I cannot wait for it to snow! THIS IS THE life!

December 2 ----- Last night it snowed! I woke up and found everything covered in white. It looks like a picture postcard... a movie. I went out to sweep the snow off the steps, and to shovel the walkway. I lay down in the snow, and later we had a snowball fight with the neighbors (I won) and when the snowplow went by I had to shovel again. The snow is so beautiful! It looks like cottonballs piled up everywhere. What a beautiful place. Pennsylvania is the life.

December 12 ---- Last night it snowed again. I love it. The snowplow covered my walkway in snow again, but... what can we do. Anyway, this is the life.

December 19 ---- Last night it snowed again. I couldn't finish shoveling the walkway because before I finished the snowplow went by, so today I couldn't go to work. I'm a little tired of shoveling snow. $%&t snowplow! What a life!

December 22 ---- Last night it snowed again, or better said... white $%&t fell from the sky. My hands are destroyed and full of callouses from the shovel. I think the snowplow watches me from the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling before it goes by. D*&^ M^&*@#$%r!!!

December 25 ---- Merry white Christmas, but really white because everything is covered with white s%^t. G^&&%$^%&*! If I catch the son of a n^&*% that drives that snowplow I swear I'll kill him. I don't understand why they don't put more salt on the road to melt the ice faster!

December 27 ---- Last night even more white s&*t fell from the sky. I've been stuck inside my house for three days! I got outside only when I have to shovel the walkway after the snowplow goes by. I can't go anywhere. My car is buried under a mountain of black snow. The news said that tonight 2ft of snow would fall. I cannot believe it.

December 28 ---- The son of a b*&^% weatherman was wrong again! We didn't get 2ft of snow... we got 6ft of the s*&t. . . . G*& (^&*^ him! If this continues, the snow won't ever melt, not even in the summer. Today the snowplow broke down near here, and the driver came to ask ME for a shovel. I can't believe it! I told him that I had broken six shovels shoveling up the snow that he pushed on my walkway everyday. So I broke THAT shovel over his head.

January 4 ------ Finally today I was able to leave my house. I went to buy food and a d*^% deer walked out in front of my car and I killed it. The repairs for the car will cost $3,000! Those animals should be poisoned. I wish the hunters had killed them ALL last year! Hunting season should be all year round!!

March 15 ------- I fell on the G&^&&*%^&% ice today and broke my leg.

May 3 ---------- When they removed the cast, I took my car to the mechanic. He told me that it was all rusted underneath because of the salt they use to melt the snow. Who thought up such a thing? Isn't there another way to melt the ice?

May 10 --------- I moved back to Miami! THIS IS THE LIFE!!! What pleasure! Heat, humidity, traffic, hurricanes, and cubans. The truth is that anyone who would want to live in Pennsylvania, such a cold and out the way place, is crazy! This is the life!



1 comment:

  1. Hey, this was hilarious .. very funny :)