Men's Fears

"Keep your fears to yourself, but share your inspiration with others."



Men never talk about this. The problem is that we have always been taught to toughen up. This is a very delicate topic for us because we will never admit to it. Without further due…here are Men’s worst fears:

Going Bald- This sucks. Women have no idea how freaking sad it is to see your hair disappear. Nowadays you see men shaving their heads as if looking like a Q-ball is going to bring back their lost confidence. Shaving your head is a way to say “FUCK IT, I LOST THE BATTLE.” Whenever you see someone with a shaved head, he is not comfortable, he just got tired of combing over his hair from one side to the other.

Being broke- Here is another true one for the records. Being broke sucks, not only because you have to eat 99 cent burgers for lunch, but because you can’t take a girl out in fear that you will look cheap. Broke guys don’t have a social life. No girl wants to go out with a broke ass… they rather stay home. I’m not saying women love money, but it’s sad to see someone ask you out, and you paying. Living with Grandma when you are 40 is just sad.

Unwanted kids- If there is something guys fear is an unwanted kid popping out of the blue. I know I sound like a major Dick right now, but there are some women who get pregnant on purpose. I know what you’re going to say “WEAR A CONDOM!” well here’s my dickish response “CLOSE YOUR LEGS.” Hahaha. I’ve known cases when the guy breaks up the relationship, and mysteriously the girl gets pregnant the next day. After that “Mr. Child support knocks on your door… and it’s all downhill from there.”

Sucking at sex- Women know this one. If it wasn’t that traumatizing to a guy, then women wouldn’t need to fake orgasms. Apparently looking at PORN since you are 14 does not mean you’ll be an ORGASM MACHINE; neither does the fact that your right hand has been your best friend for years. The worst thing is that some men don’t actually read the books and magazines, so they don’t care to educate themselves better. You suck in bed? Date an older woman…Hmmm. This is also the reason why Viagra sells so much, because if nature can’t help you, science will.

Loneliness- Sure men don’t want to commit…YET. Give him a few years, when he gets fat, bald, and overly hairy from the neck down, and has no girlfriend. Scary thought. Men need someone by their side to give them hell (women hahaha). Loneliness makes men uncomfortable and insecure. That’s why you see bald Chewbaka at the club sometimes…drinking by himself and begging for attention.

Cheating wife- This is the mother of all fears. Every time a couple argues, and stops talking; the first question when they get together is “Have you been with anyone?” Trust me, as long as you are not fucking anyone else…he will forgive you. If he doesn’t come back though, is because he found someone else.

That’s it. There is one more, but that one will be on another post by itself.

Enjoy

Anonymous

What Men Want

"If it can't be fixed by duct tape or WD-40... it's a female problem."



Every now and then I get asked "What do men want?." Today seemed like a good day to answer the never ending question! so ladies, grab some pen and paper and take notes...hahaha.

The problem is not the fact that you dont find the answer; the problem is that WOMEN look on the wrong places. ALL books and magazines which talk about what men want, are written by women. You havent realized that yet???
Men are the simplest of beings. Our brains are not made to have us express ourselves in any other way which is not A SIMPLE WAY. We don't say "I was hinting you that" or "but I thought you would realize it" we tell you straight forward. If we are hungry, we say we are hungry; if we are mad, you know we are mad...PERIOD.

But what do men want??? here we go. Men want 3 simple things. Great sex, good food, and some space. Yup, STOP BUYING A MILLION MAGAZINES, there are no more secrets to look up, and there is no harder science to it.

Great sex- Did I already say we are simple minded? YES. Give your man a lot of sex( Just the 2 of you, I don’t believe in 3-somes and other things). Men love sex, and you will always keep him happy if you give him enough of it. However, if he is pressuring you into a 3-some or some type of orgy, leave him because he doesn't love you. NO LOVING MAN WANTS TO SHARE HIS WOMAN WITH ANYONE.

Good food- Have you ever seen an angry man right after he had a good meal? NO. In prison, before they send a man to the electric chair, what do they give him? ANYTHING HE WANTS TO EAT. Food is our delight... we love eating. Women always want guys to take them to dinner; try taking him to a good steakhouse for once. Surprise him with a good meal and you will see some joy and gratitude. If you're broke, get him some nachos...THE END.

Space- We need our space. Just because we need space doesn't mean that we don't love you. This is one of the big problems women have with men. Space doesn't mean we are going to automatically cheat. We need some time to get off the stress.

THE BIG NO NO: You just had sex with your man, and he is happy just staring at the ceiling; what do you do? you ask him "what are you thinking???" HE IS NOT THINKING ANYTHING. THERE IS NO BLOOD IN OUR BRAINS AT THAT MOMENT, SO STOP ASKING. We are so calm and relaxed at that moment, please don’t kill the moment.

It is as simple as that, I know there are other topics like CHEATING MEN, but they should be treated as OTHER TOPICS. Today's topic was WHAT MEN WANT, and that is all a man wants.
In the words of the great Chriss Rock... Feed me, Fuck me, and Shut the hell up. HAHAHA this sounds too mean, but it’s a mean version of putting it.

So in conclusion, men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

Enjoy

Anonymous



PS- This post is only meant for fun purposes and it is not meant to offend any women or men. Thank you.

PSS- Stop buying magazines; the question has been answered. =)

Dicktionary

"I am not young enough to know everything."


YES, the title was done on purpose. I feel in a sharing mood today, so im gonna share some of my knowledge with those who want to learn (im jokinggg).
WARNING: This is intended for the male readers, and it's just a JOKE. Please ladies... do not get offended... its just a little mean comedy.
Here are some everyday words that have some interesting meanings:


Baby- An experience.

Bitch- A girl who sleeps with everyone…but me.

Child Support- When you just won’t learn.

Divorce- Future tense of marriage.

Experience- The name people give to their mistakes.

Father- A banker provided by nature.

Hangover- the wrath of grapes.

House- Something a man loses when he gets divorced.

Housekeeper- Your ex-wife.

Humiliation- The harder you try, the funnier you look.

Husband- The one that didn’t get away.

Paycheck- What you work for and your wife takes.

Sexual Harassment- When the person you’re flirting with... doesn’t like you.

Wife- The only one who fell for it.


ENJOY

Anonymous



Ps- coming soon...The Chicktionary